My Love Below

my journey through motherhood and other complex matters

Can You Smell What the Tolberts Are Cooking?

I mean seriously . . . do I look preggers? What is it about people asking me if I’m pregnant or not or telling me that I have the glow. “That glow”. What is that? What does that look like? When you are pregnant, do you walk a certain way? Do you have a certain scent? Does your complexion change? Maybe, but definitely not the first trimester or the first month of pregnancy.

I went to a baby shower this weekend for my matron of honor and yeah . . . it’s pretty obvious that she’s eight months pregnant. She has a certain waddle about her, but she looks absolutely beautiful. She hardly sat down, because she says it was uncomfortable. Right now, all I want to do is lay down and if you know me, you know that I don’t rest too often. I mean, I get my seven to eight hours of sleep and I’m good. I’m ready to go. Nowadays with the nausea, I just want to crawl in bed and stay there. I feel kind of sad and weak for saying it though. Matter of fact, it ticks me off. My mom often said that pregnancy is not an illness. Exactly, but I can’t seem to get out of bed, so what is it?

I went to church this morning and sat on the second row. I won’t be doing that again. At one point I thought . . . oh Lord. I’m queezy. I can’t vomit at church. I can’t vomit this close to Bishop. I can’t pass out in the sight of cameras. I said a silent prayer to myself, cause not only did I not want to cause so much attention to myself, I wanted to listen to the message. I made it, but as soon as church was over, I made a mad dash to the car. As soon as I got home it was over and I’ve been in the bed every since. It’s 4:32 p.m.. Church ended at 10 a.m.

I wonder if anyone at church could tell something was different about me. Probably not, but then again . . . I think Jenita knew something was up last night at HH. She came out and asked me. I quickly said no. Maybe she thought, yeah, right. Either way . . . time will tell.

To think. I was gonna wait until Father’s Day to tell my husband I was pregnant.

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