My Love Below

my journey through motherhood and other complex matters

I’m back . . . Sort of

I’m six months into this thing called motherhood and by the date of my last entry, you can see that’s it’s been a pretty long time since I’ve put my thoughts to electronic paper. Let’s just say my schedule has been pretty full. I did plan on blogging about Baby T’s entry into the world, his firsts, the baby blues (aka Postpartum Depression), re-entering the workforce, yada, yada, yada. Instead, I’ve spent the last six months trying to balance motherhood, marriage and employment all while trying to be a good daughter, sister, American citizen and a child of Christ.

Lord help me!

Let’s just say no one is perfect and I’ve had my shortcomings, but who wouldn’t? Have you tried this thing called parenting? It’s a strong drug with a crazy trip, and boy is it expensive!

Anyway, I’m posting this entry to let you all know that I’m back. Who cares? Well, those who bought tickets to this crazy side show, that’s who. You know, the ones out there who know me well, who thought I’d never get married, let alone have a kid or be able to balance it all. Not naysayers as such. I’m talking about serious non-believers. Let’s face it back in the day I was a selfish, goal oriented, single, motherless “young lady” FULL of dreams and ambitions who could not conceive that there was a single nurturing bone in her body.

Fast forward to December 2010 and . . . well . . . you have a woman whose heart is a bit softer. She’s a bit sleep deprived from early morning feedings and sweet conversations that are always lost in translation, because who can decode giddy jibberjabber from a happy baby? What can I say, he’s a talker. Have you met his daddy? She’s had to adjust to occasional disorganization, a fete with in itself, 10 minute showers, missing most of her friend’s joyous occasions and scarfing down meals in 15 minutes or less to keep her baby on “somewhat” of a schedule.

Lord, how did my mother do it all or appear to do it all? She was a swan, paddling like HELL under water and even on her worst day, if there was such a thing, she was the BEST.

Each atrium of my heart is full of something greater than love. And even on my worst day, I know that in Miles’ eyes I’m supreme. His smiles turn me to mush and with each milestone I feel proud that God has granted me this extraordinary experience.

Now, back to this blog thing. . .

I can’t promise you that each post will leave you warm and fuzzy, because if they did, then I’d be lying about this whole thing. I’d hate to delude some poor girl who is thinking about taking on such responsibility. You can say that this may be the strongest form of birth control yet! Needless to say, every day is not a bed of roses. What I can promise to do is be honest about my experience and my experience alone.

These days, I notice every baby that passes my line of sight and it prides me to let their parents know how adorable they are. I get all wrapped up in age, discovering twins and asking about stages of development. (*disclaimer: every baby is different and doesn’t develop the same, so I try not to compare.) I baffle myself sometimes. But, that’s the effect these things (babies) have on you. They melt your heart and can leave you joyfully speechless at times. They can also make you want to pull your hair out strand by strand, but I digress. They really do make the world go round. My world at least.

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3 thoughts on “I’m back . . . Sort of

  1. Jarvis Daughrity on said:

    I never doubted your ability to nurture!! We all become better..it’s called living!!

  2. I love the analogy of the swan paddling like hell below water! Haha. I can totally relate. I just had my 2nd a month ago and am going through all the baby first again, sleepless nights. It is worth it, but boy isn’t it work?
    I wanted to pass this on – with my first, I didn’t know how to care for his teeth. We haven’t even taken him to the dentist yet (and he’s 4!!) but I want to do better with this 2nd one. I came across this Mom’s Guide to Caring for Little Teeth (http://www.1dental.com/moms-guide/). Hope it helps you too as you’re starting out.

    • Well, to clarify — I’m no swan, but I should say I try to appear to be one and fail miserably. I can more relate to the paddling like hell underwater 🙂

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