My Love Below

my journey through motherhood and other complex matters

Archive for the tag “Working mom”

My thoughts on having a girl

I’ll be honest. When I confirmed what my body was screaming all along — that I was having a girl — it took me a moment to be excited. I immediately thought, wow . . . girls go through so much. (Mind you, I’m the  only girl and a middle child and some in my family would argue that having a girl made me nervous, because I don’t want any competition.) They deal with having to see overtly sexual images of women on a daily basis, which can lead to  body image issues and lack of confidence, mean girls/bullying, peer pressure, gender discrimination (this takes place much earlier than the day she ever takes a seat at the corporate table) and loads of other adverse hurdles that I’m not so enthused about her jumping over or scurrying under. Writing this blog has me stressing about it all over again.

Let’s face it, its scary to raise a child these days — boy or girl, but something about raising a girl had me petrified.

The latest news stories haven’t helped the situation either. The whole Steubenville Rape Case and reports of  increase of sexual assault in the  military which have both lead to numerous discussions on whether we live in a rape society is pretty daunting. Not to mention the discussions on gender equality in the workplace and whether or not women can or can not have a blossoming career and raise children successfully, something I often ask myself and continue to struggle with finding an answer to. Thank you, Sheryl Sandberg, Marissa Mayer and Ursula Burns for being a catalyst for and pioneer of change, despite your views.  Ursula actually suggests that “we” marry a man 20 years our senior.   Thanks, but no thanks.

The more I think about it, having a daughter motivates me to take a hard look at all the decisions I’ve made as a working woman, because I now view myself as her prime example. Maybe that’s the thing that scares me the most.


I’m back . . . Sort of

I’m six months into this thing called motherhood and by the date of my last entry, you can see that’s it’s been a pretty long time since I’ve put my thoughts to electronic paper. Let’s just say my schedule has been pretty full. I did plan on blogging about Baby T’s entry into the world, his firsts, the baby blues (aka Postpartum Depression), re-entering the workforce, yada, yada, yada. Instead, I’ve spent the last six months trying to balance motherhood, marriage and employment all while trying to be a good daughter, sister, American citizen and a child of Christ.

Lord help me!

Let’s just say no one is perfect and I’ve had my shortcomings, but who wouldn’t? Have you tried this thing called parenting? It’s a strong drug with a crazy trip, and boy is it expensive!

Anyway, I’m posting this entry to let you all know that I’m back. Who cares? Well, those who bought tickets to this crazy side show, that’s who. You know, the ones out there who know me well, who thought I’d never get married, let alone have a kid or be able to balance it all. Not naysayers as such. I’m talking about serious non-believers. Let’s face it back in the day I was a selfish, goal oriented, single, motherless “young lady” FULL of dreams and ambitions who could not conceive that there was a single nurturing bone in her body.

Fast forward to December 2010 and . . . well . . . you have a woman whose heart is a bit softer. She’s a bit sleep deprived from early morning feedings and sweet conversations that are always lost in translation, because who can decode giddy jibberjabber from a happy baby? What can I say, he’s a talker. Have you met his daddy? She’s had to adjust to occasional disorganization, a fete with in itself, 10 minute showers, missing most of her friend’s joyous occasions and scarfing down meals in 15 minutes or less to keep her baby on “somewhat” of a schedule.

Lord, how did my mother do it all or appear to do it all? She was a swan, paddling like HELL under water and even on her worst day, if there was such a thing, she was the BEST.

Each atrium of my heart is full of something greater than love. And even on my worst day, I know that in Miles’ eyes I’m supreme. His smiles turn me to mush and with each milestone I feel proud that God has granted me this extraordinary experience.

Now, back to this blog thing. . .

I can’t promise you that each post will leave you warm and fuzzy, because if they did, then I’d be lying about this whole thing. I’d hate to delude some poor girl who is thinking about taking on such responsibility. You can say that this may be the strongest form of birth control yet! Needless to say, every day is not a bed of roses. What I can promise to do is be honest about my experience and my experience alone.

These days, I notice every baby that passes my line of sight and it prides me to let their parents know how adorable they are. I get all wrapped up in age, discovering twins and asking about stages of development. (*disclaimer: every baby is different and doesn’t develop the same, so I try not to compare.) I baffle myself sometimes. But, that’s the effect these things (babies) have on you. They melt your heart and can leave you joyfully speechless at times. They can also make you want to pull your hair out strand by strand, but I digress. They really do make the world go round. My world at least.

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